Brain Juices

Againts the odds

2007-08-19T09:38:00.000-07:00

One of my best friends asked me yesterday, ‘why have you not asked me to forget all about him?’

She’s fallen for a man who has a reputation to sleep with anything in a skirt. He’s also known to have a big ego. On top of that, he’s of a different race and religion. Everybody tells her to forget about him, that it’s a bad idea to get involved with somebody like that.

I know how it feels like to love someone that seems all wrong, to have all odds againsts you. Yet, instincts tells you that it’s right to continue loving them.

I believe in the goodness of people. I believe in karma, that the universe works in ways that we might not necessarily understand. I also believe that when you give, you receive something- sometimes in multiples.

I believe in love, I think it can overcome a lot of things.
I believe in loving, because it fulfills you in ways that nothing else can.

I believe in instincts, and I believe that we should all have courage to stand up for what we think is right.

In instances like this, we have all the reasons to give up and forget all about it. She doesn’t need me to point out how wrong it is. Should it turn out to be a bad decision, she would soon learn and she would understand, and make better choices in the future. For now, there’s still a chance it would turn out right.

To love is to have courage, to stare your fears down.
After all, what’s life without a few risks?

Love

2007-06-20T10:05:00.000-07:00

Today I broke the news to my boss, known to many as somebody that is incredibly unreasonable, that I am leaving the company to walk a path that would someday lead me back to school to study economics and politics. Under normal circumstances, she would have said how frivolous studying for fun would be, and how silly I am for letting a good opportunity (promotion) pass by. Yet, she didn’t.

Instead, she told me to follow my heart, not to compromise and to not let that fire die. I know that these words came from her heart, and they rose out of genuine concern and affection for me.

My collegue, one whom I have a lot of respect for knew that I wanted time to think about taking the promotion. I asked her today, ‘what did your instincts tell you about me and that promotion?’ She replied, ‘I knew you’d say no’. That too, came out of love and respect for me as an individual. I guess she believes that I know what I want, and what I want is good for me.

These are the people that I work with, and people that have thought me to love, and people that I have taught how to love. Once, I asked for sponsorship to go for Famine 30, an event where friends and family sponsor me to fast for 30 hours. Money raised would go to building a better future for impoverished children. When I returned to work on Monday after the famine, someone told me that at every meal she took that weekend, she thought of me and the children I was fasting for.

I realize from then, that if you look closely at people, you will see how much capacity people have to love. Yet, many fear love – both receiving love and giving love. Little do they realise that it is those who reach out to give love, that gains the most from love.

This is.....

2007-06-20T10:01:00.000-07:00

Over the past few days, I made the biggest decision of my adult life. I decided to bite the bullet, and start on a path that dares me to be all that I can be.

I received an offer to work in a multinational company that I know very little about, but promises a lot of opportunities to travel, work in other parts of the world, and work in other fields besides finance. This opportunity requires me to pack up my life in KL and move to small town Miri.

The universe works in strange ways. One day after I got that offer, I was offered a promotion in my current company to work with a new division, in a new post that would be challenging, financially rewarding and fun. I would get to travel the region and eventually move on to another position in another location around Asia.

So there I was, torn between two choices. I had to choose between sliding into the known, or venturing into the unknown and giving up on that opportunity to travel and see South East Asia.

I have chosen to take my chances, and go with the unknown.
Now that I have, I finally feel at peace with me.

This is my shot at renewal. This is me, saying ‘damn you world, don’t tell me what I cannot do!’
This is me walking down the path that would lead me towards going back to university again, to study history, or political science, economics, or maybe even geography.

This is me, setting precedence for me to do something own my own and for myself.
This is my first step in becoming a global citizen, like I’ve always wanted to.

This is me, acknowledging that much as I love KL, my friends and my family; my mind and my spirit feels trapped here. Limited. That does not mean I love them any less.

Above all that, this is me leaving a part of me behind, and letting the other part of me grow in ways I never allowed it to grow.

Time Flies

2007-05-28T07:42:00.000-07:00

Oh, how it flies.

I apologise for not having written anything for such a long time. I think, in some ways, I am almost afraid to hear and read what I think. Hehe, am I making sense?

Jobs. That is the thing that has been on my mind.
Jobs, and why I am miserable working. Why so many of us are miserable at work. I could not reconcile my love for commerce to the misery of working. I mean, I love the business realms - the ideas, the possibilities and the brilliance that comes out of it. Yet, the practice of business bores me. On good days, I come home without feeling disgruntled. On bad days, I come home feeling that I had wasted a perfectly good day, doing something without a purpose.

My mother rang today, and in my efforts to explain to her why I am not Little Miss Happy with work and all that goes around it, I reconciled my love for business and my misery of going to work.

The commercial realm is one that is supposed to be endless. There is no limit to how much organisations can create and achieve. Yet, people in organisations fear that open end. People in organisations find boxes to contain and to understand. As a result, people in organisations build a cage and then, they ask you to reach for the skies.

That, that cage, is my problem with the commercial realm. My spirits are far too big. I am growing restless in my cage.

Change

2007-03-16T20:48:00.000-07:00

People are essentially good, my mum says.

Sometimes, we forget how insignificant actions make significant impacts.

I was having a late cuppa with my friend in Bangsar, when I saw this old woman carrying two heavy baskets. One contained a packets of kerepek ubi, another basket contained packets of kuih siput. This old woman is small and frail, her calves were only as big as my wrists.

From where I was sitting, I saw this old woman walk past night clubs and eateries trying to sell her goodies, but nobody wanted them. The couple at the table next to where we were sitting refused her, so I called her over.

'Nek. Apa yang nenek jual ni?'
Grandma, what are you selling?

'Kerepek Ubi, nak. Ambil lah, tiga RM5. '
Potato chips. Why don't you take 3 packets for 5 ringgit.

I bought 3 packets of kerepek ubi, and an amazing thing happened.
The couple next to my table bought 6 packets. The young man two tables away bought 3 packets. Within 10 minutes, Nenek walked past my table again, this time both her baskets empty.

We tend to forget that somebody has to start.
We have to start internalising the fact that insignificant actions can result in significant changes.

Love

2007-03-16T20:38:00.000-07:00

Love and pain may sometimes come hand in hand.
Love and growth can sometimes come hand in hand.
Love and letting go, must sometimes come hand in hand.

My favourite movie of all time has always been 'My best friend's wedding.'
Its always intrigued me - how is it that Mike loves Kimmy and Julianne?
How does it work?

I mean, Kimmy knows that Mike loves Julianne.
Mike loves Julianne, and they share so much in common so how is it that he chooses Kimmy as his wife, not Julianne?

Love really isn't measurable. It comes in all shapes, sizes and dimensions. I guess its like a jigsaw puzzle, some pieces fit and some don't, but all the pieces are part of the same picture.

Love and letting go, they sometimes must go hand in hand.
In any instance, the fact that love came to your heart is reason enough to celebrate.

Graphology

2007-01-14T04:30:00.000-08:00

I told myself today, that I need to start writing again.

I went to the EPF department yesterday, and was outraged by the service I got. They’ve implemented new self service kiosks, with big taglines on every touch-screen. ‘You are our priority’, it says. 7 out of 10 times, the kiosks did not work and none of the customer service representatives noticed the problem. The customer service counter is next to the self service, you are our priority, kiosks.

Then I read something in the papers that pissed me off. And then I read some more, got pissed some more, and read on and got pissed even more.

The old me is back. The fiery one. And gosh, I miss that woman.

I believe in horoscopes, feng shui, numerology, crystals, signs and graphology. I believe in dreams, in fate, in karma and variables in life. ‘A British friend calls it the hocus-pocus, there goes the Chinese girl again.’

Well, call it what you want. I draw a line between faith and confidence, and in all things I mentioned above, feng shui, horoscopes….. I have confidence that these are things that affect our lives.

2 years ago, I went to the bank to withdraw money from a fixed deposit account only, only to find that mysteriously, my signature has changed. The g turned into a G. The line that cuts across the name disappeared. The signature now slants upwards, but ends with a dot.

The dot seems insignificant. Hocus pocus.

A wider signature, like the now capital G, is good. It shows that the mind has broadened. The line that used to cut across the name was a sign of insecurity. It’s gone now, replaced by full stop. That dot concerned me the most. There’s a upward slant, a sign of ambition and dream. And then, dot. A full stop, a censor, a limit, a stop.

We all do that. We draw stops to our full potential. There are always possibilities for failure, things to take care of, mouths to feed, expectations to meet, fear.

‘We should never regret choices we’ve made’, my boss tells me.

‘Don’t worry, you are doing what you should be doing’, that’s what my colleagues tell me.

‘That’s normal, we aren’t there yet’, my friends tell me.

But my old fiery self reminds me, ‘You can do better than this’.

I agree, we should never regret choices we’ve made. That is why it’s important that we choose wisely at every juncture that we come to.

However, it is even more important to realize if and when you’ve taken a wrong turn, and then get your ass back on track.

Collin's wisdom

2006-10-31T06:17:00.000-08:00

One of my favourite Pride and Prejudice chapters must be the part when Mr Collins proposes to Elizabeth - Collins professing the 'violence of his affections'.

I have heard many different views on love and relationships.

A good friend cites that love is a process of being shaped, and a relationship is how much you allow yourself to be shaped.

My friend's father says that relationships has got everything to do with 'yuen fen'. Fate.
He says that when 2 people are meant to be together, everything happens so fast that you really don't know when or how it all started.

Another interesting take on love - an old Jewish couple (who survived the Holoucast) my friends met in Prague said that in times of war and desperation, you don't have anything else. All you have is love and each other.

So what is it?
Is it companionship?
Is it a fullfillment of needs?
Or is it all of the above- companionship, being shaped, fate, a fullfillment of needs?
Where does 'violence of affection' come in?
Does it even come into the picture?

One of my favourite movies is 'Walk the Line'. I remember the scene where June Carter and her parents pointed a shotgun at the drug dealer to stop him from giving Johnny any more drugs. I also remember the scene where Johnny Cash proposed while singing on stage.
' June,' he says, 'I've asked you 25 different times but I have just got to ask you again...'

I am a sentimental fool. I want that!

I want somebody who would fight for me.
I want somebody who would fight for me, fight me and fight with me.
Blame it on Judith McNaught and Nora Roberts, but I believe that when you love someone,
you fight for it. You'd go against the odds. You don't take no for an answer because you know you deserve more. You'd want more. You'd take risks. You'll fight with each other because you'd want the other person to be all that he/she can be.

You won't be able to supress your affections. Everytime you (try to)push it away, it comes back and bites you in the ass. That's the 'violence of affections' I want.

I've tried.
I've tried compromising, but sub-standard is just not my style.

Return

2006-10-29T03:53:00.001-08:00

Hi. i am back. Sorry for the long absense.

The past few months have been a trial for me. I really don't want to go into detail (because it'll be a very long story) but here's a summary of what has happened.

1. I passed my TOPCIMA, the last paper of the CIMA qualification. This means that when I fulfill the criterions for the working experience, I will be a qualified management accountant.

2. My aunt was diagnosed with cervical cancer and my uncle (her husband) had first stage kidney failure and a serious problem with kidney stones. They are both well now, my aunt had an operation to remove her cervix and womb, my uncle is closely monitored and is much better now. =)

3. I moved into my new place and am now still adjusting to living on my own (Love it!), waking up earlier to go to work and managing the finances and responsibilities of a house. I am putting some finishing touches to the house, so its still not quite complete!

4.There is finally(!!!) a new good looking chemist in my company. Rendevous in the laboratory after work seems a little more feasible now.

I am well. Happy and looking forward to what's ahead of me. I have finally learned how to manage my problems, finally found my passions, finally able to listen to my gut and fight for things that I want and care about. Nope, no man in my life. Just me.

Aye. I am happy now, happier than i have been for a long time.

Brits and cowboy boots

2006-08-07T08:04:00.000-07:00

I joined a new line dancing class today.
Saw the notice on the bulletin board, noted the time and showed up and told them I wanted in.

The bulletin board said that the teacher is a bloke from the UK.
I hoped he would be young, fit and witty.

Yes, shoot me. I don't know why I'd think that.

The instructor turned out to be a bloke from the UK, yes. Young, no. Fit, quite. Witty, not by Brits standard. He had proper cowboy linedancing shoes and God Help Me, cowboy jeans.

I don't know why it even crossed my mind to want him to be young.
A young, cowboy jeans wearing, linedance fanatic, BRIT is not an appealing thought AT ALL!

Tsk Tsk. I think I'm working too hard.

The equation

2006-08-03T02:40:00.000-07:00

Chindian + Sex on the Beach + Orgasm = Perfect night out

Chindian is the term used to describe somebody who has mixed parentage of Chinese and Indian. The cocktail Chindian is a mixture of vodka+lychee+ mango juice - I guess the lychee's the chinese here.

Oooohhh baby!
The three cocktails can really leave a girl languid, relaxed and wanting more.

MI5- Not 9 to 5

2006-06-22T04:00:00.000-07:00

I have a new post American Idol obsession. It's every Thursday night on Hallmark Channel. That's right folks, Miss Gan's current (non-shoe related) obsession is a TV series called Spooks. It stars Matthew McFayden and a lot of other British actors whose names I can't remember.

The plots are always intelligent, the conversation always witty and the characters people that you really would admire. One of the main characters, Tom (played by Matthew Mcfayden; Mr Darcy in the Kiera Knightly Pride and Predjudice) is a senior officer at MI5. He's not particularly goodlooking, but the character has so much grit, compassion and strength that would leave me and my aunt (who'd watch with me) ooohhhiing and aahhhingg...

Thing is, Tom's girlfriends are all nincompoops!

He's this guy, brilliantly smart, macho-er than Brad Pitt, big big heart and committed to a cause bigger than himself. Yet, his girlfriends would always make him choose between his spy job or her (at least up until the episodes they show in Malaysia) or demand for his time while he's busy foiling a terrorist attack on the parliment.

I don't get it!

How can you not love a man who can have so much compassion and strenght for a cause bigger than himself? How on earth can you love a man, but not the whole of him? How???

I reckon I'd be a very good spy girlfriend.

Oh yes!

2006-06-13T03:47:00.000-07:00

Don't forget to feed them.

Feed them, nurture them and support their favourite team. They'll be eating out of our hands.

*diamond bling*

World Cup FEVERRRRRR!!!!

2006-06-13T03:38:00.000-07:00

Australia beat Japan 3-1!!!! Japan, whom I have held in such high esteem. That was a big blow. All the guys at work looked pretty low in spirits today - guess they too, thought Japan was a clear winner. Australia and football... *shrug*

Anyway, I haven't watched one single match yet this time - been occupied the whole weekend. But I LOVE the world cup!

I mean, what's not to love about it?

Testerone at all time high, sweaty men in shorts, real men at their weakest.
If you ask for a diamond ring in exchange for the tv remote, this is the time where you'll most likely get what you want. You've just got to put up with a little bit of insanity.

How to change a tire

2006-06-09T21:20:00.000-07:00

I had a flat tyre and guess what?!?
I don't know how to change a flat tyre!

I've always had a willing male to change my tyres everytime i've had a flat tyre.
So what is a girl to do now that she's single -brother and father out of town ?

There's always google! Hahah.
I typed 'How to change a tyre' and this is what came out:
http://www.openroad.com.au/motoring_driverknowhow_changeatyre.asp

So I got changed, put on my sports shoes and my bandanna to keep the hair of my face, and set out to master the art of changing a flat tyre.

Everything went well, according to instructions but I couldn't open the bloody nuts.
I used my arms, stepped on it, almost jumped on the lunge but it still refused to budge.
At that point, a guy stopped his car to offer help.

The problem was solved in 5 minutes. *grin*

Faith and Lashes

2006-06-09T07:55:00.000-07:00

Faith and confidence are two very different things. One is what you believe blindly, but fervently. The other is what you believe because you know it is true.

When I was 15, my German friend taught me a little lash-related belief. If your lash falls out, pick it up, make a wish and blow it away. If another lash falls out, then your wish will come true.

When the-boyband-of-the-moment came to Sabah (I'm not going to mention the boyband's name. The thought of the old boyband days make me cringe!), a lash fell and I fervently, fervently wished that I'll meet them. Another lash fell out, and yes, I got to meet them.

Since then, I was a true convert and a lash faithful. With every lash that fell, I would make a wish. They've never realy worked since my boyband days, but I felt an obligation every time a lash falls.

Today I got news that a really good friend of mine got injured. I went to the washroom to wash my face, and spotted a fallen lash. I wished that he would be ok, blew it away. Another lash fell down.

Faith and confidence are two very different things, but holding on to a believe blindly is better than not believing at all.

Science

2006-06-09T07:51:00.000-07:00

If I were a scientist I would study the male brain. I really would.

Dentists

2006-06-03T19:59:00.000-07:00

Going to a new dentist feels almost like turning up at the clinic naked with your handbag. You never can hide anything from them, these dentists.

They make you lie on your back, and use all these gismos and gadgets to move you. Once you open up (wide), they prod and probe and 'hmmmpp' and 'tsk tsk'. In that brief minute, they'd be able to tell you if you floss, if you're on a low carbo diet, if you smoke, if you've been kissing lately, if you haven't been kissing lately, if you get enough sleep, if you suck your thumb and all the bad habits you must have had when you were 10 years old.

Then they'll tell you what you need. They put strange things into your mouth and do all sorts of unnatural things to your teeth.

When that is over, you come out, frazzled and eager to leave. You then take your purse out of the handbag and hand your credit card to the receptionist.

Lashes

2006-06-03T19:56:00.000-07:00

Today vanity almost got the better of beauty.
I almost went to perm my eye lashes.

In the blood

2006-05-27T22:00:00.000-07:00

Any Malaysian with Punjabi friends would know that Punjabis have matchmaking in their every blood cells. Everytime they see an eligible single person, their mind will automatically think of another single eligible person of the other sex that would match the eligble single in question.

It's almost like a reflex.

So,what happens when a Chinese girl is caught between two married, well meaning 'matchmaking-is- in-my-blood' Punjabis?

One was excitedly informing me about a new recruit (Chinese-Male-28 year old-single-witty-handsome-perfect for you) that'll be joining the company next month, and was trying to show me pictures of this said fellow.

I tried to protest by was interjected by the other Punjabi. 'Shu, do you want to be single forever and die and old maid?!! You better come now before the Planning and Purchasing girls get him. '

I hadn't enough wit for a good retort.

Boy oh boy. I bet this is just the beginning.

Time O Time

2006-05-24T20:48:00.000-07:00

Close friends and family will probably bemoan the fact that I'm bringing this up again! I've been hit by nostalgia, melancholy and deep musings over the past month or so about the passage of time and how fast it (time) flies!

It's going to June soon. That would mean half a year gone, half a year to go, half the time to achieve what you set out to achieve, being halfway through achieving the goals for the year. It's bad that I actually comparmentalise life into years. Somehow, this year has been a year of change for me - its hard not to look back and see how different it's been from 2005, and looking forward to more changes in 2007 that its hard not to see it as different from this year. Am I making sense?

Anyway, by the end of today, 2 things would change. American Idol 5 has been crowned *rolls eyes* (and btw, Taylor won.) and my TOPCIMA exam, for which I've been attending classes on weekends will be through by 5pm this afternoon. Unless I fail, that would be the last of exams for the next couple of years.

No more exams, no more weekend classes, no more industrial studies about Caffe Nero. More time to exersice, no more excuse for eating fast food and no more rushing home by 8pm on wednesdays. No more nerve-wrecking results show Thursdays.

Life will be so different. I'm so excited!

(Then again, that would depend on how exciting The Apprentice is this season! Hahah)

Ten Things I Miss About England

2006-05-19T05:21:00.000-07:00

In no particular order

1. Thornton's Ice Cream!! - The double scoop (2 big FAT scoops) of rum and
raisin, and toffee.

2. Sainsbury (supermarket) - Love it! Love it! Love it! aha!

3. The British Wit. Almost everybody is funny in England.

4. Believe it or not, Leadmill! It's a dance club that plays different music genres
on different nights, everybody spills drinks on the floor and home of the most
facinating dance moves one could ever have the privilege to see.

5. The parks. There are parks almost everywhere in England, but my favourites
would be Norfolk Park (where I'd spent so much time!) and Primrose Hill.

6. Fish and Chips - I wish I'd eaten more of that.

7. The London Underground.- Full of character.

8. Cafe 22A. It's a little cafe hidden along one of the smaller streets in Sheffield,
sells the most delicious strawberry cheesecakes.

9. Pasties - esp the brocolli and cheese ones.

10. A million things are vying for the tenth spot. I need to get back to you on this one.

Size matters

2006-05-16T07:51:00.000-07:00

I was in a cybercafe in Lucky Garden last weekend, and there was this dashingly handsome young fellow who was approximately 25 years old (just a good guess), looked sufficiently intelligent and had the most melodious American accent and a beautiful baritone voice.

Well, I know, because he was talking to ( a good guess again) his girlfriend/wife over Skype.
So yeah, he was in a cybercafe, cooing words of love in a very loud (baritone) voice and declaring his love and devotion to this (errrmmmm...) very lucky woman.

'I was perfectly capable of taking care of myself before I met you. Now, the sky seems gray, I'm this depressive little boy and I miss home so much. Totally. I guess I'll have to learn to survive for the next couple of weeks, and I'll prob go to the gym to kill time until I go home to you again'

*bblluuueerggghhh*

'Little' and 'mommy' are two words that I personally think, men should not use to describe themselves/associate themselves with. Little personality, little boy, little... well, little anything(!!!!) is NOT sexy.

Neither is reference to your 'mommy' a turn on in any way. 'My mommy said....' can really, really feel like a splash of ( a really big bucket of) cold water.

Idol Fever!!

2006-05-12T03:40:00.000-07:00

It's sad to say it out loud like this, but YES, I'VE GOT THE AMERICAN IDOL FEVER.

I rush home from work every weds to make it for the 8pm. If my favourite contestant Elliot performs well, I watch the rerun at 11pm.

Then on thursdays at noon, I defy the company policy of surfing the internet during work hours and check on Yahoo! if Elliot is safe.

I am tempted to dive into a discussion about why I think Elliot should be THE next American Idol, but I'll refrain.

But Do, Do Google him up instead!!!

Poor but happy

2006-05-06T03:07:00.000-07:00

You know that old saying - poor people are happy people?

I've been tired and overworked and bummed the past couple of weeks.
Today, I went out to buy some birthday gifts, and spent HOURS at a bookstore and then combed a bazaar in the sweltering heat. I walked so much that my legs ached, I bought so much that I had so many bags I could hardly carry, and I spent all the money in my purse! To top it off, I had a delayed brunch of pancakes and coffee, and bought some flowers for the house.

Its self induced poverty, but I love the world again!

Of course, I had to go back to the office after that to finish a report due on monday. But that's a different story.

Therapy

2006-05-03T07:00:00.000-07:00

Matthew McConoughey. Failure to launch. White Shirt, tanned muscular body.
Big yatch. Tanned body. Rock Climbing.

2 hours of cinematic bliss.

Little Miss Routine

2006-05-02T07:34:00.000-07:00

Hey......

Its been a while since my last post. I was inspired to come in and write something funny while driving home from work, but now that I here, sitting in front of the computer, I can't remember what that funny thing was supposed to be.

I just realised two days ago, how much of a routine I'm in and how tired I am of it! I work mondays to fridays, from 8 bloody am until about 7. When I get to the office in the mornings, I turn on my computer, open an Excel spreadsheet, make a mug of nescafe and work. During the day, its Excel Spreadsheet after Excel spreadsheet until I leave the office.

Its ironic. In my pre-employement days, I longed to have a routine to wake up to. But now that I actually have one, I dislike it.

Don't get me wrong. I like my job a lot. On good days, my senses tingle from the things that go on. Sometimes I even get a good adredelin rush (shit, I can't remember how to spell the word. )
BUT, I abhore the routine. I hate the repetitive dateline (report A every monday before noon, report B every tuesday before 10.15am). I dislike people breathing down my neck, I hate looking at itty bitty details when I don't want to do it.

I don't like to conform, especially when I am expected to do so.

I hate the thought that a 9-5 job( and all that comes with it) is a lifestyle that one can unwillingly and unknowingly conform to.

The oscar curse?!?!

2006-04-10T06:15:00.000-07:00

Have you heard of the Oscar Curse?

This really goes to show that it isn't just an Asian problem.
A newspaper ran a feature about the Oscar Curse - contemplating whether Reese Witherspoon's marriage will fall into crumbles after she's won Best Actress Awards. The curse of the Best Actress Oscars has a track record - almost all of the women who's won it would susequently have problems with their marriage/relationships, esp if their significant other is in show biz too. Halle Berry, Julia Roberts, Gwyneth Paltrow - just to name a few.

Why oh why does it seem that men, irregardless of culture and geography and the number (years) of civilisations their society has seen- seem to have this inferiority complex? If you love a beautiful, strong, smart and successful woman, and she loves you, leave it at that.

Hollywood is in many ways, a magnifying glass on normal everyday people. A lot of my friends are beautiful, smart and successful - and yet, have a lot of relationship problems because they earn more, drive bigger cars and are really good at what they do. Why are women punished so often punished for being wonderful?

****************************************************

I actually wrote a long rant and decided to delete it off, for one simple fact. There can be no one general rule to apply. We've just got to be ourselves and love ourselves the way we are, let people love us the way we are, and not what we want them to love. We've got to love people the way they are, and love the way things are.

We've got to see beyond gender.

Women have got to stop, listen and think more before we act. And the men... Sigh... the men have got to tell us what they think, instead of brewing a whole scenario and come up with a conclusion all by themselves!! If I had a machine that enables me to decipher what men think, I'll own the world.

Seriously, my female and (especially) my male friends, if we don't get our act together, someday all the women will turn lesbians.

Coffeeholic

2006-04-08T10:30:00.000-07:00

I have managed to survive the last two extremely hectic weeks at work by averaging on about 4 cups of coffee a day. The effects are starting to show on the expanding midsection of my body and darker-by-the-day circles around my eyes.

I decided to do some damage control.

I contemplated taking the sugar and cream out of the coffee- but that would be equivalent to not drinking at all. Coffee isn't just about the caffeine. Coffee is about the 3 minutes of guaranteed bliss and disassociation from all the shit that is happening around you. Thus, coffee must come with sugar and cream.

So then, I decided to take only one cup of coffee a day. A big and strong cup of coffee to kickstart the day. And then, tea as the in-between stimulant. (Tea, i can drink without sugar and cream).

I've been cranky all day.

I've got the Latin Fever

2006-04-08T10:23:00.000-07:00

I started Salsa lessons about a month ago.

In the movies, the salsa dance teachers are normally male, brown and sweaty, with bulging muscles and large hands. They wear tight white shirts that cling to their granite hard bodies and grind their hips againsts yours. Latin dancing provokes all your senses, that's why people bite roses (doing the tango) or bite their male partner's shoulders.

Now. In reality, the salsa dance teacher is male- yes, brown- yes, sweaty-yes. However, he is small and scrawny and cracks jokes that are not funny. No bulging muscles, not large hands, not white shirt and granite hard bodies.

No biting whatsoever.

Work! Work! Work!`

2006-04-03T16:09:00.000-07:00

I went back to Malacca for Cheng Meng with my dad over the weekend. Cheng Meng is a festival for all the chinese ancestors - its kind of like the big day out, where we visit their tombs and make offerings and clean up the area. It's a big party.

SO i left Malacca at 4am yesterday morning and drove straight to work. I stayed at the office to work until 10pm. That's 18 hours altogether.

For 18 hours yesterday, I had to have my bra on.
That's a record, I think.

What a girl needs

2006-03-31T04:43:00.000-08:00

This girl needs a little bit of TLC.

Or a big all expenses paid shopping spree.
Orrr.... a two weeks holiday in New Zealand.
Orrrrrr.... two big fat scoops of Thornton's icecream.

a cuddle would do just as well.

Logicically speaking

2006-03-30T07:24:00.000-08:00

While I was in London, I met a strange American retiree who's exiled herself from America because she 'cannot stand living in the same country as Bush', arranges her clothes in sequence (of which one you wear first. So it's panties, bras, pants, tee shirts, socks from left to right) and sleeps naked in the hostel room.

Today I had the privilege to work with a man who reminds me of her. He looks like her, sounds like her and frowns JUST like her. I am sure that these two must be somewhat related genetically.

There can be no other logical explanations.

Password(s)

2006-03-30T07:12:00.000-08:00

What do you get when you put a Vietnamese, a Thai, a Chinese, a Malaysians, a Korean, an American and an Australian (all accountants) in one room?

Answer: A hell lot of computer problems and 7 different pronounciations of the word 'password.'

Moment

2006-03-24T07:19:00.000-08:00

" When you love somebody, you've got to say it out loud. Otherwise, the moment just passes you by."Quoted from 'My Best Friend's Wedding'

Simplicity

2006-03-24T06:52:00.000-08:00

Today, I wore my new Minnie Mouse shoes. Its a very pretty pair of Mary Janes with cute Minnie Mouse bows. (ok, description makes the shoes sound a little tacky!)

Anyway, I bumped into Mhan, the Nepalese gardener cum cleaner cum handyman (Multipurpose man) on my way back from the loo, and I asked him what he thought of my shoes.

He said he doesn't care.

Then he said I shouldn't care what he thinks. It only matters what my 'boyfriend' thinks. (Note: read previous post on fictitious boyfriend)

Yada Yada Yada... a little bit of witty banter, and I turned around and proceeded down the coridor to go back to my office.

Out of nowhere, Mhan yelled.

'I don't like the shoes but I really like you!'

Loud enough for everybody to hear.

I was shocked.
It felt as if I was in a Korean soap opera.

I don't think that he expects anything out of telling me this. I don't think that he has any intentions.

I think that he's got to be an extremely self assured man to say that out so loudly. I think that he's a very simple guy.

I think I can learn from that simplicity. We can all learn from Mhan's simple outlook to life.

I've never had the courage to tell people how much I like them. I always think about the 'what ifs' and the 'what abouts' that I never get around saying what I feel.

We chase so many dreams, so many ambitions. Yet, the more we get, the more we want, the more we expect. The more we expect, the more we fear. The more we fear, the more we hold back.

The more we hold back, the more we wait.

I don't know about you, but Mhan's thought me a great lesson today.

Job Description

2006-03-24T06:48:00.000-08:00

I received my complete job description earlier this week. It says:

Assist Finance Manager and Regional Financial Analyst in: -

1. la la la
2.la la la
3.la la la
4.la la la
5.la la la
6. Other Ad Hoc Assignments.

The company will play host to a regional finance conference next week. Today, my collegue and I have been instructed to go to the Hilton at 7.30am Mon morning and hold up a piece of paper with the company name written on it, at the hotel Lobby.

All in favour of capitalist economy, say AYE!

Girl Friends

2006-03-16T02:45:00.000-08:00

I am particularly blessed to have a wonderful bunch of female friends.

Every one of my close female friends have got such different personalities that you can hardly put 3 in a same room for more than half a day before a fight of some sort to start.

I love this diversity.

I love the fact that everybody is so different, and that everybody has got different strengths and weaknesses, and different approaches to life and problem solving.

While driving home today, I was thinking of the personality traits of my friends that I admire, and lessons that I should learn from these girls.

I would like to be able:

- To step back and relinquish control, and let things go with the flow
- To try and see the good side of people instead of bitching about their negative
traits.
- To be patient and let the small things pass
- To let people prove themselves instead of pushing them to prove what we
want them to prove.
- To keep quiet sometimes
- To let people learn lessons their way
- To keep an open heart/ the heart open
- To love without conditions.

My girl friends are fantastic! I couldn't have ordered a better bunch!

Spots - part 2

2006-03-16T02:34:00.000-08:00

I also have weak spots for:

21. Men in shorts
22. Travelling
23. Characters - be it real people, movie characters or book characters
24. Languages
25. Culture
26. Pink Daisies
27. Bazaars/ flea markets
28. Dancing!
29. Music
30. Theatre
31. Hugs

This isn't going to end.

Spots

2006-03-16T02:27:00.000-08:00

OOoooohhh, I have a weak spot (s) for:

1. Ice-cream
2. Chocolate
3. COFFEE!
4. Strong male hands
5. Men in jeans
6. Male musicians - guitarists and singers in particular
7. Children
8. Movies
9. Wit
10. Romantic stories
11. Good conversations
12. Colin Firth
13. Bo Bice
14. Men with long hair
15. Men with little hair
16. Bald male heads
17. Shoes!
18. Good company
19. Nature
20. Monkeys!

Substandards

2006-03-13T07:52:00.000-08:00

I think I've finally gotten over it - the heartache, the puzzle, the bruised ego. I had dinner with my ex classmates, and he was one of those present.

He was my closest friend, my confidante, my biggest fan and my rock of support. At the same time, he was the biggest threat to my personality because I had to becareful not to overpower, overshine or overshadow him.

So many things had happened between the two of us. Many months after, I bumped into him, and I felt as if I bumped into a stranger. We said the customary 'hi, how are you? bla bla bla bla' but I felt like we had both changed so much that neither really knew who the other was anymore. It was like walking against a pasar malam crowd, and slowly drifting apart -walking towards separate directions.

When you've actually shared a certain bond with a person, anything less than that special bond seems like a substandard. When the connection is lost, it really feels as if there is no valid reason to care about a person as much anymore, because how do you do that without compromising your own position? How do you move on without dragging your past along?

I am finally able to care about him as I care about my other friends. That to me, is the new equilibrium. That to me, is triumphing my past. I'm finally able to say that I have truly moved on.

Men

2006-03-11T19:41:00.000-08:00

If I were a scientist, I would study the male brain.

There has been so much hoo-hah about Behrendt's 'He's just not that into you'. Behrendt claims to free woman by telling us the cold hard truth - There are no excuses. If he doesn't call, doesn't want to commit, la la la... He's just not that into you!

Personally, I was a little miffed when I first read some of his comments but after the intial reaction, 'He's just not that into you' seems like the perfect wake up call to move on.

If we go by the book, a guy is never too busy or too indimidated, or too shy. He's just not that into you.

I'm buying the book to read it. While I do that, do any of you have any insight to share? Behrendt makes a lot of sense, and if you go by this rule, well.... we women can concentrate on more important things than the guesswork that we somehow or rather, always do.

How much sense does it make to trust the words of this man? Does he represent the view of the majority (of men?)

The Bob

2006-03-11T01:15:00.000-08:00

I had my geisha moment yesterday.

I gave my collegue a lift home. I dropped her off and was about to make a U turn when 2 Malay boys on a motorcycle drive past. They saw me, and then both of them turned around to get a second look, and almost fell of their bike.
I felt like Sayuri!

I had a haircut earlier this week, and the hairdresser gave me a bob, a short layered Taiwanese looking bob that makes my face look like a netball. I thought that it was bound to be a disaster, but I seem to be getting a lot of glances and second looks. I guess I'm working this do.

But then again, maybe they've just never seen such a ROUND face!

Going against my own words

2006-03-09T08:36:00.000-08:00

I have always believed that one should never 'create' a bf to deter attention. If you are not interested in a guy, your 'no' should be enough. You don't need a fictitious boyfriend (or girlfriend) for your disinterest to be taken seriously. Just because one doesnt have a boyfriend does not mean that one really want/need(take your pick of the words) one.

Today, I wrongfully went against this firm believe.

The Nepalese handyman cum cleaner cum gardener (aka multipurpose man) asked me out for dinner. While he is really good looking (he looks like a mexican soap opera star - muscles, hair, white teeth),he's not really my type. I don't understand half the things that he says.

He's just so nice and I really didn't want to give any false hopes (if any!)
And so I very pathetically mumbled 'I'm going out with my boyfriend this saturday'.

I am so ashamed of myself.

I don't think he's 'The One'

2006-03-08T15:16:00.000-08:00

Maybe I didn’t make it clear enough, what I expected out of him.I really thought he would be the one I have been looking for.

I liked him at the first time he introduced himself to me. He had a way with words and seemed self assured. Quirky sense of style, but I didn’t mind it all that much.

The first time he ran his fingers through my hair, I thought ‘Yes, this is it.’
I thought wrong.

You have no idea how hard it is to find a good hair stylist in KL, and I blame it on pop culture.

Malaysian hair stylist have very strong Hong Kong and Taiwan influences in fashion, and as such, they like hair that is messy, funky and lots of layers.

I, on the other hand, prefer it simple. Messy and funky, and lots of layers, I don’t mind – provided that it would only take 3 minutes to style it, and that the hair stays that way for the whole day. Nothing too impractical – no bangs, no layers that poke at the ears.

I tried a new stylist today, in my quest to look for one that works for me. I told him specifically, my situation - That I would have to wear a bloody mortarboard for my convocation, which is a week away – and I don’t wan t to look like a penguin and that I trust him!!!!

As a result of that trust, I am now almost RM100 poorer, and I have a modern, funky bob that doesn’t sit well with my uummm...... very classical face.

IWD

2006-03-07T22:10:00.000-08:00

Its International Women's Day today, and I just wanted to shout out to all the fantastic femmes that I've had the good fortune to know.

Being among you makes me feel that it's great to be a woman!
Cheers!

Cosmic Intervention

2006-03-06T07:04:00.000-08:00

I was raised a Buddhist, and as such, have always believed in the concept of Karma. What we experience is a result of things we have done, and what we do now will affect our future.

All the people important in my life, I have met in the most unusual circumstances.

I remember a thin girl with large spectacles, who walked up to me after school on my very first day at St Agnes and yapped her head off about how green is good for the eyes. She talked and talked, and I just listened, and somehow we've been friends for more than 10 years.

I remember a frenzy search for a 3rd Angel for the Charlie Angels' sketch we promised to perform. It only took a phone call, a meeting and a tin of kuih kapit before the giggling and hugging to started.

It's the same with every single fabulous friend I've been fortunate enough to meet. It almost always took only one conversation, one encounter, or one single look.

All the important people in my life, I have met in the most precarious manner and in the weirdest places. It is so unexplainable, this cosmic connection- so much so that it is hard not to believe that our paths must have crossed before.

Oopps!

2006-03-06T07:03:00.000-08:00

I think I am an internet addict!

Monkey Business

2006-03-06T06:58:00.000-08:00

Did you know that when female monkeys are in the mood for sex, their nipples turn bright red!

Ha! Ha! Ha! Beautiful ssssuuuunnnnday~

2006-03-05T08:24:00.000-08:00

It's sunday and I have spent the entire day at home.

I've been watching Colin Firth's movies (or movies with Colin Firth in it) all day;

Shakespeare In Love
What a Girl Wants - where he plays Lord Dashwood, sexy politician and father
Pride and Prejudice
Bridget Jones' Diary I

Incidentally, the front page story on the New Straits Times today cites that 80% of Malaysian women between the age of 25 to 40 choose to marry after 30, or never at all.
Reasons cited (among others) are:

(1) It depends what the role of the husbands are. These days sex, companionship and money can be sourced elsewhere!

(2) We are looking for equal partnership. Anything less than that is not worth the trouble.

(3) There are too few quality men in Malaysia.

Aye! Aye! Aye!

While I haven't found an equal partnership and/0r quality men, Colin Firth would do just fine. A girl is entitled to a little bit of indulgence.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

2006-03-05T08:18:00.000-08:00

It's official.

I am extremely particular about having my clothes ironed. I just don't like creases in my clothes.

I realise that the obsession has finally gotten out of hand. I went to watch a Cambodian cultural dance performance at the Actor's Studio. Despite the beautiful music and the dancer's graceful movements, I just could NOT divert myself from the creases in her costume.

No, I don't iron my underwear. Not yet anyway.

What a week!

2006-03-03T23:06:00.001-08:00

In the past week, I have:

Eaten pig ears (thanks to the persistance and persuasion of Miss Ng Yoke Yin)

Spent a weekend shopping in Malacca

Watched a Cambodian play about the Khmer Rouge

Attempted to go on diet

Postponed a diet plan

Bought 3 pairs of shoes.

Mistaken my dad's credit card for my charge card. Ooopsss..

Missed Cammy, who is in Taiwan at the mo.

Cut my finger while turning off the water tap at the factory where I work

Spent 3 whole days bored and idle and feeling extremely unproductive

Fell absolutely in love with Heath Ledger and Colin Firth.

Ordered a caricature drawing and requested for big boobs and a perky ass.

Signed up for line dancing classes *blush*

Been invited to attend a traditional Indian wedding.

Met a guy who looks and talks like Hiro!

Found out that Lillian Too has got Feng Shui stores in Netherlands and Barcelona!!!!

What a week!

2006-03-03T23:06:00.000-08:00

City Neurotics

2006-03-03T22:48:00.000-08:00

I decided today, to walk to the LRT station (45 minutes away from the apartment) instead of driving. Even though it was hot and humid, it felt really good to have taken things slow today.

City living has turned us into neurotic idiots. I catch myself doing the silliest things, and thinking the stupidest kiasu (afraid to lose, afraid to lose out) thoughts. My fellow KLites, have you ever:

- Trailed people from the shopping centre exit to their cars, especially when
the mall is packed and parking is sparse?
- Apply makeup and/or eat breakfast in your car, on your way to work?
- Put on your hazard lights (so that both left and right signal lights are
blinking) when you see somebody walking towards their car, but you are not
sure if they have parked to your left or your right?
- Waved your middle finger at another driver?
- Ran to the train and squeezed yourself through the shutting doors?
- Factored in the bad traffic and give yourself 1 hour to get to your destination
and another ½ to find a place to park – so you leave 1 ½ hours before your
appointment?
- Spent RM20 on parking fees in a day?
- Schedule for a 10pm dentist appointment?

Yes?

No?

Maybe it’s just me.

But I like city living.

Retail Therapy

2006-02-26T08:06:00.000-08:00

Shopping has health benefits.

Yin and I went on a little retail therapy, and spent a total 6 hours (maybe more!) combing the streets in Malacca.

Cardio - all the walking!!
Squats - when looking at trinkets on the lowest shelf.
Stretch - when bending to see an item closer.
Arms lift - while taking shirt off to try new outfit.

Yin was cured of her sinus problem in the first hour of the workout!

Amazing, shopping and its benefits.

Branding

2006-02-24T07:20:00.000-08:00

Tom, an ex classmate, thinks I am a man-hater.

Man-hater? Pah!
If I didn't like you male homosapiens as much as I actually do, I would have long given up you men.

Man-hater? Pah!

Disclaimers

2006-02-24T07:07:00.000-08:00

I realise that half the time, we are ill treated by the opposite sex because we allow ourselves to be treated that way. Men and women both.

When a guy tells you (drunken or sober) that he is not a nice person, that he is a jerk, or that he cannot treat you as well (or love you) as he should, STAY AWAY. He is placing a disclaimer.

He's just telling you that he can't be arsed to make the effort. If you tell him off at any point in time, he'll just tell you 'I told you from the very beginning that I am not worth your time'.

And you know what? They are normally right.

Fun Fun Fun

2006-02-23T03:12:00.000-08:00

Blogging is so much fun.

I love it. In fact, I could actually start to get quite addicted to this.
It's great because you get to reflect on stuff that has happened, and write about it , uninterrupted.

This is too much fun!

Shoes vs Men

2006-02-23T02:43:00.000-08:00

Pray tell, what would you do if you had to choose between men and shoes?

I started work a couple of days ago, as a financial and cost analyst for a multinational manufacturer. I had to go through an induction yesterday, and as a part of it, went to see the Health and Safety Manager, Mr J.

Now, now. J has the most amazing eyes I have ever seen on a Malaysian guy. I noticed them the first time I saw him, at the canteen, when I was 50 metres away! No, I am not exaggerating.

Anyway, I went for a health and safety briefing in his office. *grin*
And my god, that is one sexy man.

His room smelled so.... masculine. His eyes, incredibly sexy. The pants complimented him very very well, and his voice. Oh my gosh, his voice! And CHEST HAIR!!!!!!

Ok. ok.

So I sat down, and he started asking me questions.

J: Do you smoke?
Me: No *shakes head*
J: *raises one very sexy eyebrow* sure?
Me: Yes

J: Do you do drugs?
Me: No
J: *lips curved to one side* sure?
Me: positive

J: Do you wear high heels?
He glanced at my feet, and my very new, very white, very pretty heels...
I wiggled my toes.
J: I coming up with a shoe policy. No heels, maybe the chunky ones can. No toes, all must be covered. Heels also must be covered.

I can't remember the rest of the induction programme, but I do remember seeing the female factory engineers and their chuncky safety shoes.

So, pray tell, if you had to choose between men and shoes, which would you?

Boys make you cry

2006-02-19T16:31:00.000-08:00

In my lifetime, three guys have made me cry.

The first one made me cry because he insisted that he loved me. At that time, I had the biggest crush on his best friend.

The second one made me cry because he was oblivious to the fact that I loved him.

The third one made me cry because he refused to tell me he loved me, even when he did.

One can only repeat the same mistake three times.

Post Valentines Thoughts

2006-02-15T16:43:00.000-08:00

Love is such a complex emotion.

Love makes us irrational.
Love blinds us from faults.
Love confuses.
Love binds.

When you love, you cease to be impartial.

Love might make us selfless, but love makes us selfish for the ones we love.
Love hurts.

But yet, what I am afraid most of love, is the thought of not having it.

My personal accounts

2006-02-11T07:25:00.000-08:00

I was reading a friend's recollection of a recent trip that we took together. In that recollection, the trip sounded uneventful, boring and dry. Looking back, nothing exciting happened, but that particular trip was to me, special and unforgettable.

It is true that we didn't do anything exciting. There were no adventures, no mishaps, no fights, no drunken episodes. However, there was that one smile, and that other look, the silent exchange of thoughts, the hugs and the unseen affection. That made the trip special.

And thus, I've decided today, that I want to keep a personal account of the experiences in my life. My stories, seen from my point of view.