Love

Today I broke the news to my boss, known to many as somebody that is incredibly unreasonable, that I am leaving the company to walk a path that would someday lead me back to school to study economics and politics. Under normal circumstances, she would have said how frivolous studying for fun would be, and how silly I am for letting a good opportunity (promotion) pass by. Yet, she didn’t.

Instead, she told me to follow my heart, not to compromise and to not let that fire die. I know that these words came from her heart, and they rose out of genuine concern and affection for me.

My collegue, one whom I have a lot of respect for knew that I wanted time to think about taking the promotion. I asked her today, ‘what did your instincts tell you about me and that promotion?’ She replied, ‘I knew you’d say no’. That too, came out of love and respect for me as an individual. I guess she believes that I know what I want, and what I want is good for me.

These are the people that I work with, and people that have thought me to love, and people that I have taught how to love. Once, I asked for sponsorship to go for Famine 30, an event where friends and family sponsor me to fast for 30 hours. Money raised would go to building a better future for impoverished children. When I returned to work on Monday after the famine, someone told me that at every meal she took that weekend, she thought of me and the children I was fasting for.

I realize from then, that if you look closely at people, you will see how much capacity people have to love. Yet, many fear love – both receiving love and giving love. Little do they realise that it is those who reach out to give love, that gains the most from love.

This is.....

Over the past few days, I made the biggest decision of my adult life. I decided to bite the bullet, and start on a path that dares me to be all that I can be.

I received an offer to work in a multinational company that I know very little about, but promises a lot of opportunities to travel, work in other parts of the world, and work in other fields besides finance. This opportunity requires me to pack up my life in KL and move to small town Miri.

The universe works in strange ways. One day after I got that offer, I was offered a promotion in my current company to work with a new division, in a new post that would be challenging, financially rewarding and fun. I would get to travel the region and eventually move on to another position in another location around Asia.

So there I was, torn between two choices. I had to choose between sliding into the known, or venturing into the unknown and giving up on that opportunity to travel and see South East Asia.

I have chosen to take my chances, and go with the unknown.
Now that I have, I finally feel at peace with me.

This is my shot at renewal. This is me, saying ‘damn you world, don’t tell me what I cannot do!’
This is me walking down the path that would lead me towards going back to university again, to study history, or political science, economics, or maybe even geography.

This is me, setting precedence for me to do something own my own and for myself.
This is my first step in becoming a global citizen, like I’ve always wanted to.

This is me, acknowledging that much as I love KL, my friends and my family; my mind and my spirit feels trapped here. Limited. That does not mean I love them any less.

Above all that, this is me leaving a part of me behind, and letting the other part of me grow in ways I never allowed it to grow.